Thursday, April 1, 2021

Change is Scary

I saw this quote, and I have been thinking about it alllll day:

“Never let fear decide your future.”

I was scared. I was scared I was going to try again and fail, just like I’ve done 100 times. Changing your life, no matter in what aspect, is so, so scary. You take everything you’re content with and familiar with and throw it all out the window. You’re left facing new and strange things you may have faced before, or maybe not. You’re out of your bubble, and for most of us, that is a very uncomfortable place

My bubble consisted of eating, smoking pot, and being sedentary. Since the pandemic started, I became a huge fan of DoorDash. I would order food two, sometimes three times per day. Not only did that make for a giant pit in my wallet, but it caused me not to be able to even walk out to the sidewalk in front of my house without getting winded. I was addicted. Sure, it made me feel great for the 10 minutes I was consuming the delicious greasiness, but when I finished, I was miserable again.

Aside from the terrible eating I was doing, I was also smoking pot. Every day. I thought it was something I needed to escape from the anxiety I had over real life. It seemed to be keeping me together when I felt like coming unglued, but the truth is, smoking made it worse. If I went too long without smoking, I became irritable. Do I even need to talk about how badly it gave me the munchies? And by “munchies,” I mean I would have a full-blown meal or two after I ate dinner.

The pot not only made me hungry, but it made me lazy af. All I wanted to do after was eat and watch TV. The thought of exercising didn’t even cross my mind when I was high. In fact, my thoughts and actions were the total opposite, which is one reason why I ordered food so much. I didn’t even want to walk to my car to go get anything.

I finally became so sick of everything. I was so tired of being tired, and so sick of being addicted to food, smoking, and being lazy. I was so overwhelmed thinking I had to stop everything at once that I sought advice from my doctor.

After discussing my options for shedding a serious number of pounds (my goal is to lose a total of 200), my doctor and I decided for me to try phentermine. Phentermine is an amphetamine-like prescription medication used to suppress appetite. It aids with weight loss by decreasing your hunger. But, guess what? In order to take the medication, the patient has to take regular drug tests.

It wasn’t even a question for me anymore. I told my doctor I was going to quit smoking pot, and the next day, I did. I also started taking the pills and suddenly noticed that even when I would get hungry, food wasn’t constantly on my mind. I know there is no such thing as a “miracle pill,” but phentermine has helped majorly with my food addiction, and for that, I am so grateful.

Like I said, the pill won’t do all of the work for you. You can’t just take the pill, eat the same terrible diet, and not exercise like we all wish for! I have been eating at a calorie deficit and fasting for 16 hours each day. I have also made it a priority to get in about 20-30 minutes of exercise six days per week.

I’m almost a month into changing my habits, and I am so proud to say I have lost 30 pounds! Am I nervous to eventually go off the medication? Yes. But, I believe with the strength and will power I possess, I will be successful long after the meds are out of my system.

I have a long road to go because honestly, the road never ends. And yes, taking the first few steps down that road is scary, but don’t let that fear cripple you. Being healthy is a lifetime commitment and doesn’t end when you reach your goal. My new goal is to be healthy for the rest of my life, not just to get down to 175 pounds. I can’t wait to keep you all updated on my progress!



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