Thursday, January 24, 2019

Are you going to stick with it this time?

I have always received so much support every time I have decided to lose weight, and it’s one of the reasons I continue to keep my journey public. Being so open about my struggles not only lets others see they are not alone; it reminds me that I’m not.

Being so public about something so personal is liberating. It’s like you don’t have to hide yourself from the world anymore. However, being open comes with the good and bad. The good being the support you receive, even from complete strangers, and the bad being that even the closest people to you may completely crush your soul.

Ah yes, the soul crushers. These people know you (and your journey) very well. They appear to be some of your biggest supporters, but sometimes they don’t quite get it right. You’ll hear statements like “Is that on the diet?” or “You’re losing too fast.” Yes, these people mean well (I think), but they don’t understand how such seemingly innocent words can hurt someone working so hard.

I think the worst question I’ve gotten in the past month has been “Are you going to stick with it this time?” I have to hold back every time I want to respond with “Looks like you’ve stuck with being an asshole.” Most of you know this is about the 50th time I’ve worked on losing weight. Sometimes my journey lasted as little as a few days or a week, and sometimes it has lasted months. However, this time it has to last forever, and that is what I’m working on.

So, if you know someone trying to lose weight, quit smoking, or trying to undertake another huge lifestyle change in some form, please be mindful. We all have our issues, and we don’t need to constantly be reminded by other people what they are. Yes, my journey is public, and the negative comes with the positive. However, if you love someone and truly support them, be kind or be quiet.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Small Wins

Does the term “baby steps” mean small steps or steps like a baby? If it means that I’m stumbling, falling, and wobbling towards something I desperately need to get my hands on, then “baby steps” is exactly what I’m taking. 

It’s been a few weeks since I decided I was tired of living in my own body. Yes, you’ve heard this before. I’ve lost 30 pounds here, 50 pounds there, and even 100 on my most successful journey. But, I gain the weight back (and then some) every single time. 

Realizing I’ve done it again, I’ve been thinking about ways to be successful and stay that way. Yes, a weight loss journey, a journey of creating yourself, is filled with ups and downs, but losing weight only to gain it back is not healthy. It’s a vicious cycle. 

While looking for ways to find success, I realized that every journey I’ve been on, I’ve jumped in head first. I would go to the gym everyday, try to eat things I hated just because they were healthy. I can’t stick to that. That is one thing that has made me fail. 

So, for now, best advice I can give myself is to try to take it one day at a time. I’m going to keep on the move and stay within my calories everyday, but if I mess up, I mess up, and I will get right back on.

This is why instead of going full-force, I have decided to take it one wobbly step at a time. 

Monday, July 2, 2018

I Am Going to Change My Life

So, I totally could have had a baby in the amount of time it has been since I’ve written. I didn’t! Just sayin’ it’s been way too long!

Instead of birthing a child, I gained 50 pounds. It sucks. A lot has happened in the last nine months, but that’s not an excuse for no longer being selfish when it comes to my health.

In December, my mom became ill and was diagnosed with encephalitis. Encephalitis is like dementia, and although my mom is still with us, she’s not the same, and I grieve the loss of her everyday.

In May, my dad made three ER visits within just as many weeks. After the last visit, he was admitted to undergo a blood transfusion. Two days later, he was more than excited to be discharged after breakfast. An hour later, I got a call from a concerned physician explaining that my father may not make it. His ulcer had ruptured an artery, and my dad was going through emergency surgery. The situation was very touch-and-go for the next 72 hours, as the doctors explained his “very poor” prognosis. Like the miracle I so desperately needed in my life, he was able to be removed from the ventilator and is currently at home recovering.

I’ve been wanting to share what has been going on, but I could never really put it into words until today. I really have to have the urge to write, and the writing bug finally hit me.

I promised to share not only the best, but the worst of my life with you, and again, I disappeared when things got tough. But, the tough things made me stop and really think about how I can be my best self again. I started asking myself when in my adult life I was truly happy and what I needed to do to get there again.

It all came back to one thing. Being healthy. Although I have been through several big weight loss journeys, I couldn’t stop thinking about how freaking happy going through that process made me. Focusing on my health didn’t make everything else fall into place, but instead forced it there.

So for now, my goal is to be healthy. I’m going to start incorporating healthier foods instead of telling myself I can’t eat something. I’m going to get to a point again where exercising is a fun stress reliever instead of a near-death experience. I’m going to write more. I’m going to be a better version of myself. Slowly, but surely, I am going to change my life.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Baby Steps, Y'all

I've really been riding the struggle bus lately... I have hit a plateau, and I have no one or no one thing to blame but myself.

I enjoy socializing and having a beer (or five) every now and then. Unfortunately, my socialization has been occurring every weekend lately. Of course, it's not bad to have a few beers or dinner from a food truck sometimes, but when I have indulged recently, let me tell you, I have gone hard in the paint.

One beer leads to five, one Los Hermanos food truck quesadilla leads to dessert, you know the deal. When I indulge, I tend to not stop. I have the mentality of "I ate crappy for lunch, might as well eat crappy for dinner!" Then, that leads to me eating crappy over the entire weekend.

I was doing great in the beginning of my journey, but I have let myself slip a little bit, and because of that, I have not seen progress. In fact, the last few sets of weekdays have been spent working so hard trying to get the weekend weight off. 

This just shows that I will have to work even harder to maintain my weight once I've hit my goal than I worked trying to reach that goal. Losing weight is all about the mental battle, and just because you've lost a significant amount of weight, doesn't mean that stops. 

Although I have hit a few bumps, it doesn't mean I have given up. I plan on working on being more in control and not going overboard just because I ate badly the day before. The struggle never stops, but I have a choice. I have a choice to do better than the day before and work through my journey one step at a time. Baby steps, y' steps.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

The Success Cry

Sometimes you just need a day that smacks you in the face to let you know you're doing a great job. Well, today has been one of those days. 

Anytime I have gone through a weight loss journey, I have reached a point in that journey when I've just broken down and cried. Not with tears of pain, failure, or disappointment, but with tears of absolute joy. That is when you know that everything you have been doing has been worth it, and today, that point was reached. 

On my run tonight, I got stopped by a neighbor asking my name. She told me she's noticed me walking and running around the neighborhood, and it has made her want to start exercising. I told her anytime she feels like it, she is more than welcome to join me. Soon after, I got stopped by another stranger who said he could tell I had lost weight and that I was doing an amazing job. He said anytime I needed a walking buddy to let him know. 

It's nights like tonight that make this journey worth it. Yes, I enjoy buying new clothes and seeing the number on the scale go down, but when someone you've never met is proud of you or motivated by you, that's when you know you're doing something right. 

No, I don't need the approval of others to make myself feel good, but damn, I have to admit it's pretty amazing. I started this blog as a personal diary, but I've always said that if I can make even one person want to change their life, I've done my job; the one that I never knew I needed to do in the first place. 

So, if you're feeling discouraged or have no idea where to begin, think about this moment. Think about the moment you're going to cry happy tears while you watch all of the pieces of your puzzle fall into place. Because they will. I promise you, they will.