Saturday, August 30, 2014

A Number I Will Never See Again

You know how sometimes in life you meet someone, and you end up never seeing them again. It might be someone you had a 10 second coversation with in the Walmart checkout line or a World War II veteran, but even though you only interacted them briefly, you remember them forever. That's how I feel about my starting weight; the highest number I have ever seen pop up on a scale in my life. I will never forget that number, because like many people I've met in my life, I know I will never, EVER see it again.

I went several months without weighing myself because I didn't want to face reality. I knew I weighed a lot, but I didn't know I would weigh that much! So, when I finally found the courage to begin this journey, I did it; I stepped on the scale. After waiting a few seconds, I took a deep breath and looked down. There it was, a number I thought I would NEVER see...333. It was devastating, and I could have done what I had always done. I could have whined about it, cried about it, and then whined some more, only to end up gaining 10 more pounds until I weighed myself again, but I didn't. Okay, I may have whined a little, but when I was finished, I knew I had no choice but to do this...so, I did.

After hating that number for so long, I am finally in a place where believe it or not, I love it. Whenever I feel discouraged or feel disappointed by the amount of weight I lost in a week, I remember that number: 333. I used to be terrified at the thought of telling any human being my true weight, even during a short time in my life when I was 120 pounds. Now, when people ask me what my starting weight was, I gladly tell them. It's liberating, and I feel so free and proud knowing that I used to be there, while knowing I will never be back there again.

I used to think I wanted to lose weight for the "Damn, girl!" from a friend I hadn't seen in a while or the 'Have you lost weight?" from a co-worker. Sure, hearing those things from people you know is nothing short of fabulous, but now I realize that every now and then, when I give MYSELF a "Damn, girl," that's what it's all about!

As far as the advice I've received, I welcome any that people have and will continue to give me. Some people have told me they were afraid to ask about my weight loss for fear of offending me, but trust me, if anyone tells me it looks like I've lost weight, it makes my day. The only "advice" that bothers me is when people tell me I'm doing something wrong. Anyone who has been through a similar journey will inevitably hear things, mostly from people who have never even tried to lose weight, like "You shouldn't eat that. Aren't you trying to lose weight?" and "You should try that new 5-day cleanse! My Aunt Martha found it on Pinterest, and she lost 7 pounds in ONE week!" I'm glad that worked for Aunt Martha, but it's only a temporary solution. As far as people telling me I'm not eating or doing the right things, keep talking, because I know I'm doing what works for me. I've lost 61 pounds in a little over 4 months, so I think what I'm doing will work out just fine.

So, there you have it: 333 pounds. I have a long way to go. Not just a year or two, but my whole life. I want to make sure that although I have no problem shouting "333" to the world, it's a number I never have to look at on a scale ever again!


4 comments:

  1. You are awesome...love you!!

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  2. Yay for you! My only advice is to keep doing exactly what you are doing. Love reading your posts :)

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