Tuesday, February 11, 2020

I Need to Respect Myself

It’s been a few months since I’ve blogged about my life and weight loss, or lack thereof. In these past few months, a lot has changed! I started a new job, bought my first home, and adopted a new fur baby!

I’ve always been one of those who worries about everything and looks at things negatively. I always think “If I get this or that, I will be so much happier!” So, you would think I’d be super duper happy with all of the great new additions to my life. I am happy. However, something is missing, and that something is loving myself and treating my body the way it deserves.

I am miserably fat. I am the biggest I have ever been in my life. You’d think I’d learn after going through cycles of losing and gaining 20, 50, and even 100 pounds at a time. But, I haven’t. One thing I have learned throughout my life, and especially over the last few years, is that working to be healthy makes me so damn happy. So, why do I stop? Why don’t I start? Why don’t I stick with it?

I always see and share inspirational quotes on Instagram thinking that might somehow give me the motivation I’m desperately seeking. Quotes like “When you feel like quitting, think about why you started” and “Every new day is a chance to change your life.” These are great words to live by, but they’re not enough for me. Reading words on a screen is not going to make my brain change the way it thinks.

One quote that does always come to mind when I get sad about my life or think about how much work is ahead of me and how much weight I have to lose, and that is “Be happy now, without reason – or you will never be at all.” OMG. So true, right? Instead of thinking about how long it will take me to lose the 200 pounds I want to lose, I need to be happy with the small victories.

I need to most of all be happy with the non-scale victories. Like the fact that I can take the steps up to work without almost dying or the fact that I actually brought my lunch  today instead of grabbing fast food. Don’t get me wrong, seeing the number on the scale go down makes me unbelievably proud of myself, but I am not just a number.


So, motivation is not what I’m lacking here. I have the motivation in me. I am lacking respect for myself, and that has to change. Motivation only gets you so far. It’s all about making conscious decisions and realizing that this whole thing is about life, not just weight. I need to do what makes me happy and what keeps me healthy and stop focusing on how much work is ahead of me. Because we are all a work in progress, and that never stops, even once the fat is gone.


4 comments:

  1. You are a fantastic person who deserves every happiness. You are SO MUCH more than your weight. You are one of the funniest people I know, you bring laughter to any room, and you are a great friend.

    I, for one, am honored to be a small part of your support system. I can't wait to stand by your side and cheer you on along your journey!

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    1. Aww, thank you, Camel! You are a HUGE part of my support system, and I hope you know that!! You are my little angel, and I love you sooo much!!

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  2. Courtney Goines2/11/20, 8:14 PM

    I read something and it really stuck with me. If you focus your energy on what you can control, you won’t have any time left to worry about what you can’t. You can’t control how long it will take to lose that much weight, but you can control what you eat for breakfast. It has been really helpful for me so I don’t get overwhelmed by the bigger goal. I have been crippled with anxiety for years because I feel like everything else around me has to be okay before I can focus on me. It needs to be the other way around. Nothing else around you will be okay until you are.

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    1. That’s AWESOME advice!! It is so hard not to get overwhelmed and have anxiety. We got this, girl!!!

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