Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Give Yourself Three Months

I’ve always seen the quote that says “It takes 4 weeks for you to notice, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice the change.” However, this time, it has taken me months to notice the results of the hard work I’ve put in. 


Give yourself three months. No matter what it is. Whether you’re trying to lose weight like me, learn an instrument, be better at a sport, anything! Just give yourself THREE months, and I promise it will be worth it. 


I gave myself three months, and now I know I can’t give up. The amount I’ve changed mentally and physically is astounding to me. I have wanted to give up so many times throughout the last few months. There were days I gained weight, days I was so depressed I hated myself, and days I wondered if all of my hard work was even going to be even a tiny bit worth it. 


Well, it was worth it. It IS worth it. The reason I started this blog was so I could remember what it was like when it was all just a goal. It’s so important to remember where you came from so you can never go back there again, and only three months into my journey, I can tell you that I am so much happier where I am now. 


I’ve worked so hard, and although I’ve not yet reached my ultimate goal, I am so pleased with the progress I’ve made. It’s been a rough few months, but today, I realized all of the sweat and tears wasn’t for nothing. You can’t change overnight, and although it seems like a lifetime, it all goes by so fast in the end. So, enjoy the ride, and please, PLEASE give yourself at least three months. 

Thursday, May 27, 2021

Food addiction is real, man.


I’m not hungry. Yet, I’m sitting here doing everything I can to not walk in the kitchen and stuff my face. Food addiction is real, man. 


I used to eat when I was bored, angry, sad, happy, you name the emotion, and I was eating to satisfy it. It scares me. It scares me that after so much hard work, I still have to battle this addiction. 


Some people don’t believe in food addiction. They look at morbidly obese people and think they’re lazy or weak. And yes, part of that is true. However, there is so much behind the scenes that you don’t see. 


An alcoholic doesn’t have to drink. A drug addict doesn’t have to do drugs. But, you HAVE to eat. This addiction is something you have to face three times per day. 


Food has always been there for me. When humans let me down, food didn’t. Food was there through depression and celebrations, and it made me so happy. But the happiness didn’t last. When the good feelings I got from food were gone, the guilt set in. And I have finally realized that the one thing that has comforted me my entire life, is also what was killing me. 


The struggle is real, and although I have had major success over the last few months, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified. I’m terrified I will fall into my old habits and let food re-take control over my life. 


No matter what happens, no matter who enters or leaves my life, I have to stay in control. I have to tell myself that I am the most important person in my life and make that all-important decision. I have to decide day, after day, after day, to put my health first. 


I will not fail. I know this because I’m not doing it for anyone else this time. Not for the people who asked “Are you going to stick with it this time?” or “Should you be eating that?” But, for me, and only me. 


It’s soooo hard, but I know that I will continue to fight with everything in me. Because after all, I am the most important person in my life. 

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Decisions

Nothing worth having comes easily. It takes strength, dedication, and perseverance to get what you want. I can promise you, that after years and years of trying it myself, wishing will get you nowhere. I always said that there was a switch in my brain that needed to turn on in order for me to start losing weight, but as I get deeper and deeper into this journey, I realize that’s not true.

It’s all about making decisions; decision, after decision, after decision. You have to wake up and decide that you’re going to change your life. If you haven’t decided, you’re not ready, and that’s okay. But if you are ready, get ready to make some difficult choices. Decide that you’re tired of the way you are and want to change. Decide that you’re going to prioritize your health over everything else. Once you make the first decision, the next one gets a little easier.

I decided I was done. I was so tired of being tired and waking up every morning with nothing exciting to look forward to.  I was sick of back pain, sick of knee pain, and I was sick of feeling like my lungs were going to collapse if I had to park any farther than the first few spots in the parking lot at Walmart. I didn’t enjoy the embarrassment of purposely arriving early at a restaurant before my friends to request a table because I couldn’t fit in a booth. I had to order slip-on tennis shoes from Amazon because I could no longer bend over to tie my shoelaces, and I had to forget even trying to sit down at an outdoor event because I knew I would break the chair.

I’ve lost 50-pounds so far, with about 150 more to go before I reach my ultimate goal. Some of the thoughts above still race through my head, but I’m working on that. I’m working on being kinder to myself. My life is slowly changing before my eyes, and although some of those decisions I was telling you about may be hard to make, I promise you each and every single one is worth it. It seems like I have something new and exciting happening every day, whether that be noticing my reflection changing in the mirror, the number on the scale going down, or somehow finding a new way to love myself just a little bit more.   

Each day is not easy, but I have decided that being happy is easier than being sad and miserable. I have to decide that every day, and sometimes it’s super hard, but I have finally decided to put myself first, and I am so excited to see what happens when I don’t give up!


Monday, May 10, 2021

Maybe our best days come from our worst

I thought I was doing well and that all of my crazy thoughts I’ve said over and over to myself in the past were gone.

“You’re worthless”

“You don’t deserve the be happy”

“You’ll never find a man who loves you”

Yet, here they are…back in FULL force.

I’ve always found it extremely difficult to love myself, and I’ve always treated myself worse than anyone else ever could. I thought I was good. I thought all of those terrible thoughts about myself would never come back, but that’s just not how life works.

After working extremely hard over the last two months, I’ve lost 50-pounds. I was doing so well physically AND mentally. I convinced myself I was happy and that I was heading in the right direction. But yesterday, all of that changed.

It was Mother’s Day. My mom is still here, but after being diagnosed with Dementia, life has not been the same. She used to be my person. I would call her when something exciting happened, and I would crawl in bed with her when it was all falling apart. I don’t have that anymore. Over the past three years, I’ve had to learn different ways to cope with my problems and new ways to celebrate each success, but it has been hard.

I’ve also had a problem equating my worth to whether or not I have a significant other. Generally, I am fine being single, and sometimes I even enjoy it. But, every now and then, when a guy ghosts me or I have no prospects, it makes me spiral into a black hole of loneliness.

I find myself frequently saying “I don’t have a person” since my mom got sick. And, I don’t. I don’t have one person I call when I get good news, and I don’t have one person whose arms I can’t wait to jump into after a hard day. And you know what? That is totally and completely okay.

As a matter of fact, I have tons of people I can run to when I get upset. I have tons of people who support me and support every single pound I lose. I have tons of people who wish they could take any pain I have away, and I have tons of people who have picked me up off the ground and forced me to look at myself and realize that I am worth it.

And it’s days like these, where I am rescued from the black hole that is depression, that I realize that I am so lucky and fortunate to have everyone in my life that I do. I don’t need ONE person. I need them all, and I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends and family in my life. They are the ones who show me that I am doing amazing things, and that I am an amazing person, contrary to what I sometimes may think.

I’ve always said that my best workout days are the days I don’t feel like exercising. Maybe that applies to life, too. Maybe our best days come from our worst. After all, the sun shines brighter after the darkest storms. All I know is that I have to keep going and work on myself, mentally and physically. This is the year of Kara. I refuse to give up because I know if I even tried, if I even came close, that I would have so many people in my corner who wouldn’t allow it. And even though it will take time and patience, one of those people is going to be me. 



Thursday, April 1, 2021

Change is Scary

I saw this quote, and I have been thinking about it alllll day:

“Never let fear decide your future.”

I was scared. I was scared I was going to try again and fail, just like I’ve done 100 times. Changing your life, no matter in what aspect, is so, so scary. You take everything you’re content with and familiar with and throw it all out the window. You’re left facing new and strange things you may have faced before, or maybe not. You’re out of your bubble, and for most of us, that is a very uncomfortable place

My bubble consisted of eating, smoking pot, and being sedentary. Since the pandemic started, I became a huge fan of DoorDash. I would order food two, sometimes three times per day. Not only did that make for a giant pit in my wallet, but it caused me not to be able to even walk out to the sidewalk in front of my house without getting winded. I was addicted. Sure, it made me feel great for the 10 minutes I was consuming the delicious greasiness, but when I finished, I was miserable again.

Aside from the terrible eating I was doing, I was also smoking pot. Every day. I thought it was something I needed to escape from the anxiety I had over real life. It seemed to be keeping me together when I felt like coming unglued, but the truth is, smoking made it worse. If I went too long without smoking, I became irritable. Do I even need to talk about how badly it gave me the munchies? And by “munchies,” I mean I would have a full-blown meal or two after I ate dinner.

The pot not only made me hungry, but it made me lazy af. All I wanted to do after was eat and watch TV. The thought of exercising didn’t even cross my mind when I was high. In fact, my thoughts and actions were the total opposite, which is one reason why I ordered food so much. I didn’t even want to walk to my car to go get anything.

I finally became so sick of everything. I was so tired of being tired, and so sick of being addicted to food, smoking, and being lazy. I was so overwhelmed thinking I had to stop everything at once that I sought advice from my doctor.

After discussing my options for shedding a serious number of pounds (my goal is to lose a total of 200), my doctor and I decided for me to try phentermine. Phentermine is an amphetamine-like prescription medication used to suppress appetite. It aids with weight loss by decreasing your hunger. But, guess what? In order to take the medication, the patient has to take regular drug tests.

It wasn’t even a question for me anymore. I told my doctor I was going to quit smoking pot, and the next day, I did. I also started taking the pills and suddenly noticed that even when I would get hungry, food wasn’t constantly on my mind. I know there is no such thing as a “miracle pill,” but phentermine has helped majorly with my food addiction, and for that, I am so grateful.

Like I said, the pill won’t do all of the work for you. You can’t just take the pill, eat the same terrible diet, and not exercise like we all wish for! I have been eating at a calorie deficit and fasting for 16 hours each day. I have also made it a priority to get in about 20-30 minutes of exercise six days per week.

I’m almost a month into changing my habits, and I am so proud to say I have lost 30 pounds! Am I nervous to eventually go off the medication? Yes. But, I believe with the strength and will power I possess, I will be successful long after the meds are out of my system.

I have a long road to go because honestly, the road never ends. And yes, taking the first few steps down that road is scary, but don’t let that fear cripple you. Being healthy is a lifetime commitment and doesn’t end when you reach your goal. My new goal is to be healthy for the rest of my life, not just to get down to 175 pounds. I can’t wait to keep you all updated on my progress!