I think I've finally reached a turning point. I've turned down the road of not reaching for you to comfort myself.
For as long as I can remember, I've used you to tame every emotion- happiness, sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, anger, boredom, joy, and mostly trust. In a world where nothing is certain, people aren't who you think they are, and nothing ever turns out like you imagine, it's easy for anyone to put their trust in you. You will not break up with me. You will not betray me. You will not walk out on me when things get tough. However, I can honestly say, for the first time in my life, I realize you will not do any of those things, but you will also never make me happy.
Many of us live comfortably enough that you will always be there, one of the things I have always taken advantage of in my life. Anytime we celebrate, meet an old friend, go on a date, or have a party, you are there. There's nothing wrong with that, but it does become a problem when someone abuses you...like myself.
You did not make me fat. I made myself fat. You have become personified in my life. I know that you will embrace me in your strong, open arms when no human can.
Today, I needed a pair of those open arms. I let go of two dear friends. My boss and friend of five years left our company to pursue his dreams. I was extremely sad to see him go, but knowing that he will find greater happiness in life makes it less difficult. The other friend I let go of today was you. After many tears, it was today that I realized I don't need you for comfort. I was sad, but I knew I couldn't call you, and I now know that I can no longer put you in control of my happiness. As much as I've leaned on you, loved you, and put you as a top priority in my life, it's time to let go.
Don't get me wrong, we'll always be friends. After all, who doesn't love you and think you're delicious? However, I've realized our relationship has changed. It's no longer an unrequited love. I know that you will always be there for me to be able to survive, but you will no longer be there to make my life better, and I will make sure you will never be there to love me back... because you never have.
With that being said, it's been real. We'll still see each other everyday, but we will never be as close as we have been over the past 27 years. Just know that I wish you all the best! I might even miss you at times, but there's so much freedom in knowing that our relationship will never, ever be the same.
Post a Comment
Thank you for your comment!
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.