Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Another day, another weight loss journey

I'm tired of my usual post stating how "I'm back" and how I'm really going to stick with it for life this time. I get on here every few months spewing my guts with the same 'ole story about how I'm finally going to change for good, because it's simply not true.

For those of you that are familiar with this little-known blog, you know I've battled my weight my entire life. I'll go a few months being super motivated, lose 50 pounds and gain 60 back. Then, I just stop. I give in to temptation, and I give up on myself. 

For the last few weeks, I haven't given up. I can say this time is different, but to be honest, I don't know that it is. I want it to be, yes, but I can't promise. It's easy to stay motivated in the beginning. 

The truth is, this isn't a short journey for me. This is my life. Yes, I want to lose a significant amount of weight, but the last few months have taught me that it's more about my health than anything. I want to be around to meet my future husband and child(ren), if that's what's in the cards for me. I want to be around to see my truest self, my greatest self, and what the next 32 years will bring.

This is hard to admit, but I got to my heaviest weight ever just a few short weeks ago. I could barely even tie my shoes, my feet were swelling frequently, and I had more anxiety going to restaurants than ever. It's so embarrassing asking for a table because you're not sure you can fit in a booth.

Fast-forward three weeks. Although I haven't lost a ton in this short amount of time, I have felt the weight loss in the form of more energy, being able to do more at the gym, and not stopping as frequently when taking the stairs. 

It feels great, but I know it will come to a point where I just want to give up, but I'm going to try with everything in me not to. It's not about the number on the scale. It's about actually trying to survive life at this point. I can't give up. I am going to keep telling myself that one small decision can change my life, and one small mistake can ruin it. Ten minutes of pleasureful eating is not worth gaining 5 pounds, nor is it worth losing to a life that makes me so incredibly happy.

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