Monday, July 2, 2018

I Am Going to Change My Life

So, I totally could have had a baby in the amount of time it has been since I’ve written. I didn’t! Just sayin’ it’s been way too long!

Instead of birthing a child, I gained 50 pounds. It sucks. A lot has happened in the last nine months, but that’s not an excuse for no longer being selfish when it comes to my health.

In December, my mom became ill and was diagnosed with encephalitis. Encephalitis is like dementia, and although my mom is still with us, she’s not the same, and I grieve the loss of her everyday.

In May, my dad made three ER visits within just as many weeks. After the last visit, he was admitted to undergo a blood transfusion. Two days later, he was more than excited to be discharged after breakfast. An hour later, I got a call from a concerned physician explaining that my father may not make it. His ulcer had ruptured an artery, and my dad was going through emergency surgery. The situation was very touch-and-go for the next 72 hours, as the doctors explained his “very poor” prognosis. Like the miracle I so desperately needed in my life, he was able to be removed from the ventilator and is currently at home recovering.

I’ve been wanting to share what has been going on, but I could never really put it into words until today. I really have to have the urge to write, and the writing bug finally hit me.

I promised to share not only the best, but the worst of my life with you, and again, I disappeared when things got tough. But, the tough things made me stop and really think about how I can be my best self again. I started asking myself when in my adult life I was truly happy and what I needed to do to get there again.

It all came back to one thing. Being healthy. Although I have been through several big weight loss journeys, I couldn’t stop thinking about how freaking happy going through that process made me. Focusing on my health didn’t make everything else fall into place, but instead forced it there.

So for now, my goal is to be healthy. I’m going to start incorporating healthier foods instead of telling myself I can’t eat something. I’m going to get to a point again where exercising is a fun stress reliever instead of a near-death experience. I’m going to write more. I’m going to be a better version of myself. Slowly, but surely, I am going to change my life.

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